Deep Wounds
by Chanteuse
Summary: "His heart swells with emotion for her. Even with what she's just shared, he knows it's just the tip of the iceberg of how deep her wounds run." Beckett spends the evening with the Castles after a case leaves her feeling vulnerable.


**A/N: I…don't quite know where to begin. This is the first piece of fanfiction I've written in **_**four **_**years and the first I've ever written for the Castle fandom. I'm **_**really**_** anxious about posting it, but you all seem to be a fine bunch of people so I'm just gonna bite the bullet and do it. I used to write for Bones, but then the show…changed, I guess, and I fell out of love. I dabbled in a few other fandoms and then I found Castle this past summer and I think it'd be fair to say that I haven't been so in love with a show since Bones. And here I am. :)**

**A little about this fic: I'd set it sometime in season three, post Knockdown but pre To Love and Die in L.A. Also, it's unbeta'd, so all mistakes are mine and mine alone. **

**I'd really, **_**REALLY**_** appreciate your feedback! Let me know what you liked and what you didn't and hopefully I'll be able to improve my writing. **

**Okay. Here goes nothing. Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle. **

**Deep Wounds**

It's on cold mornings like these that Castle knows Beckett really appreciates the coffee that he brings to her at crime scenes. She takes a sip and he sees her relish the warmth it causes for a brief moment before striding down the narrow alley with him at her side.

"What've you got for us, Lanie?" Beckett asks, coming to a stop behind the ME who is crouched next to their newest murder victim.

"Evidence of blunt force trauma to the head." says Lanie.

"Time of death?"

"I'd say between four and six hours ago, but I'll know more when I get her back to the morgue."

Beckett nods. "Any ID?"

"Yep. " Lanie says and hands Beckett a leather wallet.

Beckett opens it and hauls out a driver's licence while Castle peers over her shoulder. "Sally Walling, forty eight." She murmurs. She flips through the wallet and finds several twenty dollar bills. "Well, it wasn't a robbery."

Behind the money she finds a photograph of a beautiful young woman wearing a graduation cap and gown.

"Her daughter?" Castle wonders.

"I'd say so." She turns to Lanie. "Okay, Lanie. I'm gonna contact next of kin and see what I can find out. Call me if you find anything."

"Will do."

"Come on, Castle." She says, and motions for him to follow.

**xxxxxx**

Back at the precinct, Beckett sits at her desk looking decidedly troubled.

"What is it?" Castle asks, coming from the break room to sit in his chair next to her desk.

"It's just…I don't think she had any family besides her daughter." She says without looking at him.

"Oh." Castle recalls the picture they'd looked at earlier. She couldn't be older than eighteen or nineteen.

"Her name is Jane."

"You gonna make the call?" he inquires softly.

She sighs. "Yeah."

He sees the tension in her shoulders as she reaches for the phone.

**xxxxxx**

Castle is surprised when Jane shows up alone. She's a beautiful girl with curly strawberry-blonde hair and honest blue eyes. It's obvious she's been crying, but she's not hysterical or falling apart, though it would be understandable if she were. She reminds him of Alexis in a way; relatively calm and composed, seemingly conscientious and mature. Beckett makes introductions and leads the way to the break room. She sits across from Jane at the small table and Castle leans against the counter.

"I'm so sorry for your loss," Beckett begins "And I know that this is hard for you, but I need to ask you some questions."

"Of course. Anything you need, Detective."

Beckett asks the routine questions and the only real information she gets is that Sally worked nights at a hospital, had no real enemies and kept largely to herself.

"Okay," Beckett says once she's through "I'll let you know if we need anything else. Again, I'm very sorry for your loss."

Beckett begins to rise from the table, but Jane remains seated, staring blankly ahead.

"What am I going to do without her?" she says thickly, tears streaming down her face. "She was all I had." Her face crumbles and she begins to sob in earnest.

For a minute Beckett looks lost, but then she turns to face him. "Castle…" She says, and she doesn't need to say anything else for him to know that she wants a moment with Jane. He nods at her, leaves the break room and tries to watch as discreetly as he can through the window.

As he watches them he is struck-and not for the first time-at how wonderful Beckett is with victim's families. She's holding Jane's hand across the table and though he can't make out what she was saying, it's enough to calm Jane's sobbing to a quiet stream of tears. They rise at the same time and Castle scurries to his chair next to her desk. After she sees Jane out, she sits down, sighs heavily and places her head in her hands.

"You okay, Beckett?"

"Huh?" she says, raising her head to look at him "Oh, yeah. I'm okay. I'm not so sure about Jane though."

"Well, that's to be expected isn't it? I mean…" he trails off, knowing that he doesn't need to finish that sentence. Beckett knows better than anyone how expected it is. It's the reason for the slightly drawn look on her face.

"I need a coffee." she says, beginning to rise.

"Let me." He says, and he's up and in the break room before she even has a chance to answer. He knows she'd never tell him, but she sees herself in Jane and she'd been affected by their encounter. Getting her coffee was the least he could do.

**xxxxxx**

The case is nothing but a pile of dead ends. No suspect, no murder weapon, nothing at all to help them catch the killer. Beckett is frustrated, and has been exhausting herself trying to figure this one out. He can tell she hasn't been sleeping and he's barely seen her consume anything but coffee this week; she even left her bear claw untouched this morning.

He wants to tell her to slow down, they'll figure this out just like they always do, but even he has to admit that they have very little to go on.

"I just don't understand how there's absolutely _nothing _useful here!" she says, turning from the murder board and running her hand through her hair. He hears the genuine frustration in her voice and his heart goes out to her. He knows she's used to solving cases, so she won't take it well if she can't solve this one.

A week later, after everyone else has accepted that the killer won't be found without some new evidence, Beckett is still doggedly pursuing the case. It isn't until Montgomery orders her to stop that she does.

She's packing up her desk to go home for the weekend and Castle can see the frustration in the rigid, angry lines of her movement.

"Come back to my place."

She pauses and looks up at him like he has ten heads, her left eyebrow raised high.

"I mean, Alexis and I were gonna watch a movie and there'll be food and ice cream and popcorn and…" he trails off, feeling stupid.

She smiles the way she does when she tells him he's done something sweet.

"Okay."

**xxxxxx**

When they arrive at the loft, Alexis and Martha are in the middle of preparing dinner. Kate greets them and wastes no time setting herself next to Martha, helping her peel vegetables.

"So what brings you around here tonight, Detective Beckett?" Martha asks coyly.

"Umm…" Castle sees the struggle on her face to come up with an answer that will both placate Martha and protect her own emotions.

"Come now, Mother. Does Beckett really need a reason to eat dinner with us after a long, hard week at work?" He says it lightly, so it doesn't sound like an attack. Castle notes Beckett's look of thanks and relief and smiles at her reassuringly.

"Yeah, Grams." Alexis chimes from the stove. Kate shoots her a grin and Alexis winks at her.

"No, of course not. Detective Beckett is always welcome here."

Beckett smiles bashfully and flushes slightly. Embarrassed or not, Castle is becoming more and more endeared of her by the minute. He hopes she understands the truth in his mother's words. She is_ always_ welcome in his home.

During dinner he watches her chat animatedly with Alexis about books they've read recently and it warms his heart to watch them bond.

He realizes it's the first time he's seen her relax at all in close to two weeks.

**xxxxxx**

"I've never done movie night quite like this before." Beckett says, as she watches Castle and Alexis begin to set up the projector and giant screen.

"No other way to do it in the Castle household. Go big or go home."

"I see. What's the movie?"

"_Bringing Up Baby_. Alexis picked it out."

"_Really?_"

"Yeah." Alexis says, "But we can watch something else if you like. I mean…we don't have to watch that one."

"No, I love that movie. I just didn't have you pegged for the screwball comedy type, is all. Especially ones made in the 1930s. I wouldn't even expect half the people your age to have even _heard_ of _Bringing Up Baby_, let alone like it. But then, I shouldn't really be surprised, should I? You're such a well-rounded and eclectic person. You have great taste. " Kate says seriously, like she's never said anything more truthful. Alexis beams.

Shortly afterwards they're all settled on the couch with ice cream and popcorn as Castle had promised earlier. Beckett freely laughs her way through the movie. Castle barely watches the movie; he watches Beckett instead.

**xxxxxxx**

By the end of the movie Alexis is practically falling asleep on her end of the couch. She rises and yawns with a stretch.

"I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Daddy." She says, kissing Castle sweetly on the cheek. "Goodnight, Detective Beckett."

"Sleep well, Alexis. Thank you for tonight."

"No need to thank me. I had fun, too. "

With one final goodnight, she leaves for her bedroom. Kate watches after her.

"She's really wonderful. You're very lucky, Castle."

"I know. Very lucky. You want a drink?" He asks.

"Okay."

**xxxxxx**

"She really likes you, you know. Like,_ a lot._" He says, returning from the kitchen and handing her a glass of wine.

"Who, Alexis? Please." She scoffs as he settles next to her on the couch.

"No, really! She asks about you all the time. Wants to know how you are."

"Really?" Beckett looks surprised.

"Yeah. She looks up to you."

"That's…really sweet. I don't think I deserve it, but I'm thankful for it just the same. "

"Well, of all the possible role models out there I'm glad Alexis chose you."

"God, Castle." She laughs, "Could you sound any cornier?"

"No," he says, feigning deep consideration, "I don't think I could."

They chuckle together and then trail off into comfortable silence.

"You okay?" he asks after a beat. He doesn't expect a straight answer from her, guarded as she is, but what she says surprises him.

"I will be." She looks down into her drink. "I will be." He doesn't say anything, afraid of scaring her out of continuing. "It's just…It's not easy with cases like these, you know? I mean, I know it happens. You can't solve _every single_ case, but I just….I _hate_ it. I'm angry that I couldn't figure it out."

"You had nothing to go on, Kate. It wasn't your fault. I mean, you went above and beyond the call of duty to find something to crack the case. But you can't find something that's not there." He hopes he sounds reassuring, but it probably just sounds trite to her.

"I _know_ that. Doesn't make it any easier."

"I'm sorry." He says tenderly. She waves him off, sipping from her drink.

After a moment of silence, she speaks again. "I just keep thinking about Jane. I know _exactly _how she's feeling right now, and to think that she has _nobody_ to lean on who knew her mother and therefore understands exactly what she's lost. It'll be so much harder for her."

Castle audibly sucks in a breath but doesn't speak for fear of ruining this rare, beautiful moment in which she's decided to open up to him.

"It'll _eat her alive_ that she`ll probably never get closure. She`ll never be able to think about her mother again without feeling that hurt. It just brings everything back, you know? All those feelings…"

Castle nods sympathetically. Before he can speak Beckett continues.

"And I've dealt with cases that have done this before. There have been cases in the past that have reminded me of my mom's case in one way or another but it's always been different because I've always been able to solve them, you know? I try not to let it get to me like this but this one is different because I couldn't solve it and there's a young woman who lost her entire world in an instant who might never know closure."

"I'm sorry." He repeats, because he simply doesn't know what else to say to comfort her. His heart swells with emotion for her. Even with what she's just shared, he knows it's just the tip of the iceberg of how deep her wounds run. "You really miss her, don't you?" he asks almost cautiously.

"All the time." She whispers sadly, and he can really see the vulnerability in her eyes. "I mean, obviously it gets better as times passes, but it never goes away. It's always there, like a dull ache in your chest that you learn to live with but every now and then it flares up and it's too painful to ignore."

He reaches out and takes her hand, having run out of words. She smiles sadly at him and squeezes his hand in acknowledgement and while he's thrilled that she's accepted this contact, he really wants to hug her and tell her that it's okay, that he really cares about her and that he'll be here to see her through it all. He settles, though, because as much as he wants to just tell her _everything_, the last thing he wants to do is frighten her.

They sit in comfortable silence, sipping their drinks, their hands still linked.

"Thanks, Castle. I needed this tonight."

"Of course." _Always._

"I just hope I wasn't imposing on, you know, Castle family time or whatever."

"No way. My family is only too happy to have you."

"I'm glad." She says as she drains the last of her wine from her glass. "I should probably head home, though. I'm looking forward to a solid eight hours of sleep." She rises from the couch and grabs her coat. Castle follows her to the door.

"I'm glad you enjoyed yourself tonight." He watches her don her coat and fish for her keys in her purse.

"I really did. Thanks again, Castle." She steps into the hallway. "And be sure to thank Alexis for me too, okay?"

"Will do. Goodnight, Kate."

"'Night, Castle." She smiles at him, then turns and walks down the hall.

He watches her go, glad to have helped her feel good enough to feel confident in getting a full night's sleep. He hopes one day he'll be able to tell her what she means to him and have her over for _every _ movie night in the Castle household.

Most of all, he hopes he can one day bring her closure.

**End**

**Thanks for reading. I'd **_**really**_** appreciate it if you'd take the time to review! **


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